and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
