nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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