on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
