Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
