i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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