Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
