he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
