Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
