Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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