so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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