I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
