Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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