Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
