Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
