He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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