He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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