John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
