He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
