We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
