So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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