Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
