I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
