This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
