she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
