shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
