Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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