I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
