i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
