I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
