Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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