I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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