Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
