Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
