I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
