i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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