HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
