naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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