Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone came in the potted fern
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
