Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
