If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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