i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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