There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
