you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
