i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
