all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
