Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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