Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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