She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
