I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
