so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
