she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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