just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
