one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
